Staring At Closed Doors

Screen Shot 2017-12-08 at 10.36.01 AMSo, I had a bit of revelation last night.  I’ve been questioning why I couldn’t get over something that recently happened.  The situation crosses my mind often and then I’m frustrated, disappointed and angry with myself because I’m still thinking about.

I finally leaned in and surmised that it was a part of the healing process and that it was okay to feel like I was feeling and that “this too will pass”.  Then, last night….BOOM….it hit me.  I’ve been staring at a CLOSED door .  I’ve spent the last few months thinking that the door would be reopened or dare I say it, that someone would peek out and apologize (at least).

Here’s the thing, without realizing it, my staring at the closed door has left me in a holding pattern, paralyzed by my feelings of hurt, disappointment and yes, anger.

Here are some steps to overcoming disappointment and to stop staring at a closed door:

Step 1: Acknowledge How You Feel About the Situation

Your first step is to acknowledge your personal feelings about the situation and circumstances. If you’re disappointed, then admit it openly and honestly. Hiding your disappointment will just prevent you from moving forward.

Ask yourself:

What really happened here?

What should have happened?

Why am I feeling disappointed about this?

Your thoughts are the key.  What were your expectations?  Your expectations are a direct indicator to why you were disappointed.  OWN YOUR PART in the situation.

What was I thinking at the time when things didn’t pan-out as I had anticipated?

Was I blaming myself, others or circumstances?

Was I searching for excuses?

How have these thoughts hindered me?

Step 2: Questions Your Expectations

Ask yourself:

What were my expectations about these circumstances?

What were my expectations about myself?

What were my expectations of others involved in this?

As you answer these questions you might realize that maybe your expectations weren’t quite flexible or realistic enough. Continue asking yourself:

Overall, were my expectations about all these things realistic?

Maybe they were petty or inflexible?

Maybe my expectations were too narrow-minded?

Maybe my expectations were downright selfish?

When it comes to disappointment, your expectations coming into the situation will determine how you will feel after the events have taken place.

Do my expectations set me up for disappointment?

How could I potentially adjust them for next time?

Just maybe there is a silver lining here…

Your unrealistic expectations are going to prevent you from learning and growing from this experience. You must understand this before moving onto the next step.

Step 3: Grow from this Experience

In order to grow from this experience, ask yourself:

What can I learn from this experience?

What can I learn about myself?  How can I grow from this experience?

What can I learn about my perspective of the situation?

What can I learn about how I set expectations?

What can I learn from all this that will help me approach things differently in the future?

These questions will help you put the situation in perspective.  You can stay in a holding pattern about the situation and wallow in the disappointment.  Thinking from a clear space/perspective will allow you to evaluate and most importantly, MOVE FORWARD.


Step 4: Modify Your Expectations and Objectives

Modifying your expectations will help you to see things more clearly and realistically. Modifying your objectives will come as a result of your adjusted expectations. Maybe you were expecting someone to do something that you should have/could have been doing for yourself.

I hope these basic steps will allow you to reflect on your past or current disappointments, but most importantly move forward and grow from the experience.

Feel free to leave your comments and share this with others that may be staring at a closed door.

Contact Kennetta at or 830.499.1172 for services or speaking engagements.

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