You can tell is the end of the year by EVERYONE’S status posts on social media. #NewYearNewMe….and the same poor lady walking up the stairs into the new year, leaving the same ish in the past year.
On Twitter the hashtag is #2018Milestones and everyone is taking inventory of their highlights from the year. It’s so hard not to compare what your year looks like in comparison to the year of other’s.
I almost fell into the trap of unhealthy comparisons….ALMOST. I was looking at my friends and the “friends in my head” and begin to rehearse the “what about me” script in my head. I’m looking at the pictures and the threads of the platforms they had been on, how they “secured the bag”, traveled to countries that have been on my bucket list for years, got engaged/married and here I was just…here.
Year’s ago I read one of Iyanla Vanzan’ts books and there was one pivotal line in the book, “you are exactly where you are supposed to be”….this was back when I was at one of the lowest moments of my life (very much like I did coming into 2018). Back then, my life was in shambles and there was no end in sight and I read those words and they made me cry and very angry. So angry in fact that I remember throwing the book across the bed and deemed it “garbage”. I mean, how could one of the lowest moments be where I was supposed to be? In my mind, I should have been on the mountaintop and not in the valley. I was reminded of that quote quite a bit this year.
Yes, I’ve had some great things happen for me and to me this year, but it was so easy to forget when I was holding up my 2018 next to someone else’s 2018. Then, I remembered…I was exactly where I was supposed to be…I was in my year of healing.
No….seriously, I limped into 2018. I was broken and afraid (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). I will spare you all of the details but it was ugly and I suffered in silence. I still showed up to the things that I wanted to go to, I kept plowing away at all of the things that were necessary for survival, but inside I was on a journey of forgiveness and healing…not for the other person/people, but for me.
I was coming off one of the biggest disappointments professionally and personally that very few to this day know about…but I was determined to heal and get all of that residue off me and any situation that I was in during the course of the year. The kind of betrayal and hurt that I was experiencing I did not want to project on anyone. It ran deep and it ran long, but I was determined to gut it all out of me.
I navigated 2018 very carefully….if it didn’t feel good, I backed away from it (this is different than being fearful). I’ve worked my ass off this year to get to today…the last day of 2018.
Here are a few things that helped me heal…..
Not those girlfriends…these girlfriends and you too, Eddie…lol
I did my best to TRY and to articulate to everyone individually how their friendship and presence in my life made such a difference in my life this year. Unknowingly and without provocation, they aided in my healing.
I was INTENTIONAL this year about spending time with my family. It was imperative to me that it happened. From weddings to small gatherings, BBQ and wine tours…I did it. I made sure Thanksgiving and Christmas were special this year. I even put up a Christmas tree. We baked cookies, played UNO, and laughed….it was the balm that my heart and my soul needed.
See….it’s the simple things that remind us that we are right were we are supposed to be….living, learning, and growing. So, rid yourself of those unhealthy comparisons and focus on the greater that is ahead of you in the new year.
Now, let’s Sean Payton ourselves into 2019. #WhotDat
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